Well today I am writing my adult oriented blog first.  Usually I do the school one first and my brain is fried by the time I get to this one.  Today my head is packed with all sorts of stuff I want to share.  I need to give a big shout out to God for keeping me alive today.  I was positive I only had one of my lives left after yesterday and I think I used another 6 or 7. 

The very productive group from Ohio left this morning via, New York to Colorado to somewhere to home.  That is a very long flight home.  They did a lot of stuff here in the physical sense.

I have learned that even though these various mostly religious groups come down, they all could have a reality show on some channel.  Like “The dark side of mission work” , “Housewives of mission city”, “Jersey Shore goes to Haiti” or some other crazy thing.  I heard some not so Christian stuff emanating from the mouths of the youth.  I was like, say what?  I was slightly intrigued to what could be going on.  It’s not like going out on the town and taking a potential late night “score” away.  What could these folks be all up in arms about?  I heard a lot of talk of the Lord, but not in a good sense.

Gertrude, the woman who runs the show and the roost here, went somewhere for some fundraising stuff.   It’s like a free for all here.  No one shows up to work, the kids are little shits, it’s not even organized chaos, it’s just chaos and I can’t wait to get out for the day.

The regular kids act exactly like the kids at home.  If one kid get something, all the kids think they have to get it or a hissy fit ensues.  Some poor Eagle Scout made some wooden toys, I’m pretty sure at this time, they have been dissected and disemboweled.  Ok, not disemboweled because they are made out of wood. 

I had brought some of my old cop cards down and now all the kids call me “hey po-leece” followed by “bang bang”.  I think female cops down here are far and few between and they look at me like I have three heads when I tell them what I did.  So far I have not seen them used at dartboards nor have a circle around my head with a line through it.

Important service announcement:  Before I forgot, I need to give a big shout out to my cousin Andrea who is getting married today.  I’m bummed I’m missing the big ceremonious occasion but at least it’s for the cause.  I feel good that I will have nobody taking incriminated photos of me to be used at a later date.  My family is very very close and any family reading this can attest to that.  My cousins are like my siblings. Ok, enough about that.  Good Luck Andrea and Sean!!!!

Now back to the story.  Since Gertrude is gone, our driver just didn’t feel like coming to work today.  An eternity later, we were finally able to find someone to take us to Teach Haiti.  (www.teachaiti.org)  We took two suitcases of stuff to them.  Both the sewing machines, the jewelry supplies, paper box stuff and some school supplies.

After a 2 hr. grueling ride, still in town mind you, we made it there.  I was nearly choked to death from the diesel, and everything else. We had to go to some school where someone was supposed to again meet us,.  Didn’t happen.  We took two boys who knew the way.  I was sitting next tone of them.  I think they were scared initially, like “stranger danger” here.  When you give a kid some M&M’s, it solves the worlds problems.

Believe it or not, there was a lot going on in Port au Prince as far as construction.  Today must have been the big day to decide to start every project known to mankind. 
There are no flaggers, cones, or safety measures far as I’m concerned.   They would eat OSHA down here.   I was worried only once we were going to be crushed by a grader, driving up a steep embankment and that he would roll over and crush us.  I was hoping it would be a swift death and not some agonizing ordeal because I knew it would hurt a lot.  I’m not kidding, I wouldn’t even call some of the roads gravel or “off track” roads.  There is no category for this kind of road description.  I was getting claustrophobic mostly because of lack of clean air and high heat.  I was thinking of bringing a canary with and when it was close to dying, I’d try to escape.  Try would be the key word here.   I was close to being strapped down and tied to the roof for the safety of the other passengers.

When we finally arrived to the school, it was kind of like an unceremonious occasion.  Here we were bringing gifts in these two really heavy (and I can attest to the heavy part). I felt so unappreciated.  One of the kids, I’ll just call him Stefan, it was similar to that.  He walked us to a band of motorcycles.  Band sounds much better than just some guys hanging out by motorcycles.  Stefan told them where we needed to go.  It would be about a buck a person.  Before Stefan left, he asked us to find some younger siblings who were adopted by people in Oregon and that we could find them on Face Book.  We told them we would try to find them. We are looking for James Conner,  I wish it could have been something of a more descriptive name.  Very benign, I wish it was like James Orcandicannicz or something like that. 

Back to the motorcycles.  I have that lack of trust thing and mostly believed I would have to use my knife and all my police training to survive in the Haitian wilderness.  The motorcycle thing was awesome!  It was like going off roading as a passenger without any control of the situation…do not like this part.  It dissipated quickly as the fumes from a diesel truck taking off.  I should have paid guy 2 bucks for me whacking him with my camera repeatedly  in the back of the head and torso.  I think I got a lot of pictures.  It was funny watching the local’s doing double take of us tackling the unpaved, deeply potholed roads. 

We ended up walking a few blocks to finally go get some well deserved lunch at Kokoye.  I ordered the “surprise”  I just wanted whatever she thought I’d like.  You could say I’m somewhat of a risk taker.   We also ordered something that was called Frit Kibby.  We asked what Kibby was and the girl said meat. That did not make me feel better.  Kibby Kitty?  Kibby Dog?  Kibby the goat?  Or Kibby the person?  Either way, it was tasty.  I am praying I don’t find out it was soylent green.

After the numerous near death experiences, I needed numerous Prestige’s to take the edge off and get rid of the trauma I had just experienced.  After lunch (thank you Laura Abraham), we walked to the grocery store.  I was odd man to be in charge of the backpacks outside so we didn’t have to check them…again I didn’t trust anyone with my stuff.

The hard thing about being in Haiti is that I know exactly zero Creole and zero French beside some miscellaneous food items. I can’t even fake it.  It totally blows!  I feel so stupid, well more than normal.  At this point in the day, my shoulders are sunburned and the straps on my backpack feel like Brillo pads.

We had to co-mingle with the Haitian folks in the tap taps.  There were so many people in there, I literally felt like a sardine packed in the can.  There are no exit rows in a tap tap.  We are all a bunch of hot messes, and I swear I can feel the breath of those next to me we are so jammed packed.    I’m self consciousness of something while crammed in, I must confess, I forgot my razor and have been wondering at what point I will forage for a razor, then I contemplate getting my legs and pits corn rowed.  Actually, I’m not sure you could corn row a leg but I am sure you could take care of your armpits.  I may have to find some primitive tools like the cave women of yesterday (or millions of years) and come up with a solution.

Tomorrow we are supposed to go to Jacmel to meet the child Jaime sponsors.  So far, most of the drivers fell through or were trying to extort more money out of us.  It was maddening!  We were already paying for someone’s room at the hotel we were visiting, we were paying for their food and gas.  I’d jump on that in a minute.  Free vacation overnight!  Nope, in Haiti, they also want you to pay them for too.  Greedy bastards!   Come on.

Eventually we make the executive decision to rent a car.  Ok, at this point I need to address my husband,  (Tom, I rented a car that some person will drive.  I will use the remaining bubble wrap I brought down and  will wrap the Hyundai.  I have not met the guy who will be driving it, but I am told he’s responsible.    We will use a lane of imaginary traffic and will be praying we don’t crash.  I am mostly confident we will cross the mountains in one piece.  Don’t worry it’s only a 1500. deposit.  Please keep an eye on the credit card statements.  Love, your wife)

We just got sick of getting jacked around with the car things.  I am quite impressed Jamie drove us without a problem back to the orphanage without one misstep.  She needs to lay on the horn slightly longer when turning but other than that, it was fine. 

We told the guy who’s taking us tomorrow to be here at 10am, because everyone here is at least 1-2 hours behind what you tell them.    His name is Oriol ( might have the spelling wrong but I know it’s not spelled like the bird) 

Tonight we had a special desert served, Pop tarts.  Who would have thought?  I think since I slept good last night, minus the issue with my shorts, I will have a night of fits trying to sleep and I will wake up crabby needing a sacrificial cup of coffee.

As I am going through some of my pictures you may say, “man, that photo is outta whack”.  This is  a correct statement but I must add that as the journalistic reporter on assignment, I am often hanging precariously from and off the back of a truck or the back of a motorcycle,  and I still like green eggs and ham.

Reporting live from where the streets have no name. I'm serious, they really don't.   Good day!

Express Partout means express bus as in 2 hours to get to your destination

He means business!

I think there was a sale of children.

It shows a car smashed into a pole and it says something like watch your head. How about just not crashing?

This is one of the "roads" we went on the motorcycles, aka highway to hell

A chiropractor's dream

The younger jealous brother of Comp USA

When one lock just won't do....get more.

We were driving here on the motorcycles.  Sidewalk?

We were here but I don't know really where here is

This is Stefan,  tell his siblings who live in Oregon hi from Haiti.

Shit doesn't roll down here, it flows.

Kibby the mysterious meat

Shirley

Paper beads at teach haiti